Story of My Life

So in 2011, I got back with my ex-fiance, got dumped by him [again], had a one-night-stand, got with someone else, broke up, found out I was pregnant with that most recent ex and then miscarried my baby. 

But all that brokenness is becoming something beautiful. A few weeks after my miscarriage, my best friend of 10 years convinced me to go with her and one of her friends to this concert. This event was far from our typical interests. It was a metal concert in a hole-in-the-wall bar 2 hours away from home. We went because her friend was friends with one of the bands. Well…it actually turned out to not be as bad as I expected. And her friend, Kris, and I really clicked. The three of us hung out again Thanksgiving evening. After my friend left, Kris and I stood out in the cold talking for over an hour. I started spending more time at his house. I would go over with the intention of watching tv, but somehow we always ended up talking for hours and never getting to the tv show. On New Years’s Eve, he helped me move out of my parents’ house into an apartment a little over an hour away. After my family left and it was just us we ended up falling asleep on the sofa. When I finally woke up, we kissed. We made our feelings and desires official. We became a couple. 

Now there’s something I should mention about Kris. He is 10 years older than me, and has a 10 year-old daughter by his ex-wife. 

I’ll never forget his daughter’s reaction the first time she saw us kiss. She was overjoyed! She really likes me, and loves seeing her dad happy. She actually told me that same day that she wants me to be her step-mom. I could tell Kris was afraid that her enthusiasm might scare me off, but I thought it was sweet. Sure, it was too soon to commit to that, but I was glad that she liked me that well. 

I spent the next few nights at my parents’ house, spending the days with my sister-friend Jennifer and Kris. My last day in town, I spent with Kris and we both admitted the feelings we had for each other were strong. We were in love. Things got steamy. We ended up having the most amazing bedroom experience I’ve ever had. I procrastinated leaving until I ended up spending the night. In the morning, he left for work and I left for my new apartment.

My first weekend in my apartment, Kris came to visit. His daughter decided to stay with her mom, so we had the apartment to ourselves. I still had to work, but we had the rest of the time together. Friday night I got a message right after I left work saying that my sister-friend Jennifer was in labor and was going to have her baby that night. I came home to my apartment and Kris and the flowers he had brought and told him we had to go back home because my friend was having a baby. I dropped him off back at his house and went to the hospital to be with my friend.

Being in the room and watching my nephew be born was the most amazing experience of my life. I took his first pictures and got to hold him right after his daddy. It was also really interesting being in there and seeing what labor is like and all the medical stuff that goes into a standard delivery.

After I held my newest nephew, I picked up Kris and we headed back to my apartment. We had a wonderful weekend together. He even did the dishes while I was at work. 

I had an appointment the next (this past) Saturday back in his town, so I headed back for the weekend after class on Friday. I visited my nephew until Kris got home from work and picking up his daughter. The weekend was great. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to work Sunday evening back in my new town. Kris and I had talked about how much we wish we weren’t so far apart, and we’ve talked about getting a place together when my lease here runs out in August. Well Sunday afternoon before I left he asked me to marry him. I said yes. He’s assured me a couple times that he’s serious, and I tell him I am too. I love him with every fiber of my being. To many people the progression of our relationship may seem much too quick, but to me it seems perfect. When you know, you know. We complete each other.

It’s so amazing how the shattered mess my life was has become this beautiful love. 

The just don’t understand how I feel about pregnancy, babies, kids, miscarriage, or any of it.

I definitely have a hard time understanding and believing where unavailable guys set the boundaries when it comes to their female friends. I always feel like guys don’t care about me like they say they do, and I’m constantly on the lookout for any sign they aren’t being honest with me. I miss feeling safe. I miss believing a guy really could love me and only me.